late friday's thoughts

10:42 PM

^this gif is made by me from video i took

i remember thinking to myself - omg, i can't wear that electric blue nail polish, i'm too old for it, i should leave it to younger girls, those teenagers who have their life ahead of them, those who can live freely without care. look, i'm turning 21 this year, and i still don't know how to pay taxes and i'm still scared of job interviews. i'm almost 21 and i still don't know how to get to some parts of my city without checking google maps first and still being afraid i'll get lost and have to ask some stranger for directions. i'm almost 21 and i still watch stupid tv shows about teen boy who turned into werewolf or that one where girls were chased by anonymous person and didn't go to police. shouldn't i be spending my days searching for full time job, learning for next year and watching some serious business tv channel where those men know everything about world's economy? and i look at those pictures of those teens, dyeing their hair green, getting fake tattoos and drinking alcohol and need to remind myself that i've already been there and i wasted those years, because i was living more secure life being afraid of ruining my hair, not being able to remove that fake tattoo of weird butterfly and getting wasted. but what i forget to remind myself that at that moment it was everything i wanted. i wanted to spend my evening wondering through forest with my camera rather when trying some drugs in basement. and as i wanted when, right now i do want to lacquer my nails bright electric blue. and i do want to watch those stupid tv shows, because they are so addictive. and if i ever wish to dye my hair green - i should do it. and it doesn't matter if i'm twenty-one or fifty-two.
i think this is something more people should remind themselves. who cares what other thinks? as long as it makes you happy you should do it, if it is watching teenage tv shows or getting weird fake tattoos. and age is just a number. there are so many things i could worry about - finishing studies, paying rent for my future apartment, getting job, living on my own for my entire life or even those stupid things which probably will never happen like getting stuck on a elevator or getting into a car crash...i live today and for today. i'll worry tomorrow. and this is the only thing i need to worry about - tomorrow not to forget to remind myself to worry tomorrow.

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2 comments

Thank you :) xo